LONDON — A posh British wanker of the highest possible pedigree was reportedly spotted blubbering like a colicky infant outside a central London courthouse Tuesday after allegedly learning that actions do, in fact, have consequences — even for people who summer in castles.

The well-bred ball bag, resplendent in a bespoke Savile Row suit that probably cost more than your car, reportedly collapsed into full toddler mode when informed that soliciting minors is, shockingly, against the law. Sources say his lower lip began trembling first, followed by a high-pitched whine that witnesses compared to "a kettle boiling in a cathedral."

"He kept saying 'Do you know who I am?' and honestly, yes, that's rather the problem, isn't it," said one officer who was allegedly on scene. "We know exactly who you are, sir. That's why you're here."

The silver-haired sack of entitlement then reportedly threw himself onto a marble bench and began pounding his fists like a six-year-old denied a second pudding. His legal team, a squadron of barristers billing approximately £900 per hour per head, stood nearby looking like they wished they'd chosen dentistry.

"I've never seen a grown man cry that hard over allegedly not being able to diddle children anymore," remarked a court clerk who requested anonymity. "You'd think someone had cancelled his polo membership. Actually, they reportedly did that too."

The tantrum allegedly intensified when the distinguished alleged-nonce realized that his once-untouchable status had evaporated faster than his dignity. He reportedly swept a stack of legal documents off a table, kicked over an umbrella stand, and screamed something about this being "an absolute travesty" — which, to be fair, is one accurate way to describe his alleged crimes.

Several onlookers noted the irony of a man who allegedly spent decades believing himself above the law now sobbing on the floor of a building specifically designed to enforce it. One passerby reportedly offered him a handkerchief. He threw it back and called her a commoner.

As of press time, the weeping aristocrat had allegedly been escorted to a holding area, where sources say he continued to cry, intermittently demanding tea and insisting that none of this would be happening if his mum were still around.