OUTDOOR WEDDING VENUE — What should have been the happiest day of their lives devolved into a catastrophic three-person meltdown Saturday afternoon when a bride, groom, and background guest simultaneously lost their minds over a wardrobe coordination dispute at a colonial-style venue.

The white-lace-wrapped wail-maker and her navy-suited sob-partner were posing for photographs on the mansion grounds when they allegedly spotted a woman in a powder blue dress standing approximately fifteen feet behind them. Sources confirm both newlyweds immediately began screaming in unison, their faces contorting into matching expressions of pure infantile rage.

"They just started shrieking," said Martha Hendricks, 62, venue coordinator. "The bride threw her entire bouquet — easily two hundred dollars worth of white roses — directly at the ground and stomped on it repeatedly. I've never seen someone destroy flowers with that much fury. She was wailing 'SHE KNEW! SHE KNEW OUR COLORS!' while mascara poured down her face."

Witnesses report the groom-baby simultaneously ripped his boutonniere off his lapel and hurled it into nearby shrubbery before dropping to his knees and pounding the grass with both fists, his previously immaculate navy suit collecting dirt and grass stains. The couple's crying could reportedly be heard from the parking lot, a sustained dual-wail that guests initially mistook for emergency sirens.

"He was sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe," said Thomas Wei, 45, wedding photographer. "He kept screaming 'IT MATCHES! IT EXACTLY MATCHES!' while pointing at this poor woman who was just trying to enjoy the ceremony. Then the bride grabbed a decorative lantern from the aisle and threw it against one of the mansion's columns. It shattered everywhere."

The background woman, whose powder blue dress allegedly coordinated too perfectly with the couple's navy-and-light-blue color scheme, stood frozen in apparent horror as the lace-draped cry-queen stomped toward her, jabbing a finger inches from her face while shrieking wordlessly. The suspect then collapsed onto the lawn, rolling back and forth while her hair accessory fell out and her veil became tangled in grass.

The mustached meltdown maestro, meanwhile, had moved on to destroying the reception setup, sweeping place cards off tables and kicking over floral centerpieces while ugly-crying so intensely that snot visibly ran onto his white dress shirt. His previously styled hair hung in sweaty clumps across his forehead.

"I thought about offering them both sippy cups," said venue manager Patricia Gomez, 38. "The tantrum lasted at least twenty minutes. They were completely inconsolable. At one point they were both just lying face-down on the ground next to each other, wailing in harmony."

The background-dwelling dress-wearer reportedly left the venue immediately, though not before the bride-baby threw her white pocket square at the departing vehicle.

As of press time, the alleged adults were last seen sitting back-to-back on the mansion steps, still sniffling, surrounded by destroyed flowers and shattered décor, refusing to continue with their ceremony until someone promised the offending powder blue dress would be digitally removed from all photographs.